Kevin's Puzzles at Home Season 5, Episode 9 (Meta): The Words of the Profits

PREVIOUS EPISODES
Introduction (what these puzzles are and why they're called "Kevin's Puzzles at Home Season 5"): click here
Episode 1 (Veg Out): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 20 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 2 people solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 2 (Baseball Baffler): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 20 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 2 people solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 3 (Musical Arrangement): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 20 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 0 people solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 4 (The Name Game): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 17 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 0 people solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 5 (The Concise Cinema Critic): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 16 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 1 person solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 6 (Nine Letters, All Alone): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 15 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 1 person solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 7 (Crossword Examination): puzzle PDF, hint PDF
* 17 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece; 0 people solved it later for 25 points.
Episode 8 ("Five" Got a Problem): puzzle PDF, hint PDF (new!)
* 11 people solved this within the first week for 50 points apiece.
 
The total number of points scored is 6950. Thus, the current money pool for the Food Bank for Larimer County is $69.50. Four anonymous benefactors have agreed to match this donation, meaning that the Food Bank for Larimer County will actually receive $347.50. If you haven't already, you may solve the above puzzles for 25 points apiece, possibly with the aid of the hints. These 8 answers will also be necessary for solving the meta below.

KEVIN’S PUZZLES AT HOME
SEASON 5, EPISODE 9 (META):
THE WORDS OF THE PROFITS
Ever the entrepreneur, Kevin has started selling the answers to the previous eight puzzles – and thanks to the great prices his wholesaler offered him on letters of the alphabet (a penny buys an A, a nickel buys an E, a dime buys a J, a quarter buys a Y, and so on), Kevin has turned this into a lucrative business! What does Kevin plan to buy with his newfound wealth?


(This illustration by Tintinabar is not part of the puzzle.)

Submit your answer to glmathgrant[at]gmail[dot]com for 100 points, and stay tuned next week for Episode 9's hint, and then the week after for all of the solutions. Good luck!

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