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On the lack of recent Wordy Wednesday posts.

You may have noticed that Wordy Wednesday puzzles have not gone up last Wednesday nor this Wednesday. That's because I was not at my computer to make said posts. I was undergoing inpatient therapy at Oceans Behavioral Hospital for suicidal depression which I have battled for over 9 years. This happened too suddenly for me to give anyone any kind of warning. The first two days were absolute living hell, and my first roommate having memory problems and driving me crazy by appropriating my belongings thinking they were his drive me so crazy that I wanted to injure myself and go to a regular hospital so I wouldn't have a roommate to worry about; however, the staff made it very clear that if I did so, I'd just end up back at the behavioral hospital afterwards. I had to play along if I wanted to get out, whether to kill myself and make sure I never go back or to go out and enjoy life. A combination of coping skills and medicine has me back in the mood to live, at least long enough to celebrate my 30th birthday.

Living with autism is the worst. You can feel very irrational things and have a rational side of your brain which recognizes those things as such, yet feel trapped in feeling them. Past few months, I've been feeling like I need to kill myself over every single tiny foul-up I commit. The latest one? Getting banned from a Twitch stream I hadn't followed in a while for saying I'd watch for old times sake while waiting for another streamer to return from lunch. If you don't have autism, believe me, you don't want it. I'd give up all my puzzle-writing talents to be a normal person, without this irrational suicidal depression stuff. But since I'm stuck with it, I'll work on overcoming my issues and providing you with puzzle-related entertainment.

To give me time to recuperate and readjust to the real world, I will resume the Wordy Wednesday series next week. To compensate for the missing weeks, every week in June will be a double puzzle week!

I want to devote myself more to mental illness and/or suicide activism in the future. Are there any good charities for these things that I could add to my Patron Puzzles for Philanthropy initiative? The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has a four-star rating on Charity Navigator, and seems like a good candidate.

Until next time, keep on living, and yappy solving!


Mary Maynard said...

It would be a special honor to donate on your behalf to any suicide prevention and/or autism awareness organization you would like. My father was a mental health provider and my son is also on the spectrum.
I'm sure others of your loyal solvers would agree!

Grant Fikes said...

@Mary Maynard: Forward me (glmathgrantATgmailDOTcom) your donation receipt of $11.10 or more to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and I'll send you the Patron Puzzles for Philanthropy puzzle pack.

Jon Michelson said...

Grant, I wish you extra strength and serenity in dealing with the issues you described in yesterday's post. I have some family members that are similarly affected, others that are heavily involved in a mental health charity, and one that falls in both groups. If you want to add a good (albeit small and local) mental-health-related charity to your Patron Puzzles for Philanthropy list, here's one to consider:

Grant Fikes said...

@Jon Michelson: Forward me (glmathgrantATgmailDOTcom) your donation receipt of $11.10 or more to Bike for the Brain, and I'll send you the Patron Puzzles for Philanthropy puzzle pack. I'll probably add a clause that any nonprofit concerned with mental health or preventing suicide among the general population will be acceptable. (Suicidal depression does not discriminate based on sex, race, sexual orientation, or the like; although it might choose its weapons differently based on those aspects of its chosen victim, I don't care enough for identity politics to support a charity that would focus its attention on a specific group of people besides "local people".)

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